I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
