i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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