I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
