420 ftw
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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