I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
