i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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