i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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