I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
