You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
