he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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