After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
