The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
