Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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