I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
