We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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