taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"