On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo