I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that