I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
