he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head