Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
