I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sex in a hospital.. check
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"