I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
