dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
