the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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