I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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