god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
