If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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