If i come over, it means nothing
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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