I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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