So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
