The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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