he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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