Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
