So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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