That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
