Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
