Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
