You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
