She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All the doctor said was why
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
