Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
