at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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