Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
