I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
