I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
