hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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