Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
