i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
