Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
