How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
