i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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