I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
