Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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