He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
