ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
