what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
