and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
