if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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