i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
PANTIES FOUND
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
