I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
