so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
two words...techno handjob
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
