he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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