All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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