Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
