how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
