I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
