i just wanna soil my oats bro
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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