fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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