Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
