someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
