coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
