I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she woke up with a sticky ear
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
