he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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