During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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