Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
